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Stephen Jones

Moving back home to save money

I had an argument about this with a friend, and it seems I'm in the minority on this opinion.

Let's say you live in an expensive city, say NYC, SF, etc... and you're gainfully employed making saying $50-60k in your late 20s.  At that rate, your not able to save a ton of money, but you can pay your rent and have fun.

At the age of 28 would you move back home to save money faster, say to buy a home?  Everyone I talk to here seems to thing thats a perfectly reasonable and respectable thing to do.  At age 23, I could agree, but in your late 20s I'm of the opinion that you're an adult.  I can't imagine moving back in with the parents unless I really hit hard times.  What do you think?
not mamas boy
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
omg, I didn't realize you meant with your parents until the last line.
onanon
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
It really depends on what is most important to you. 

If moving back home to save money to buy a condo/house is most important, do it!

If attracting a mate is important, than living with the parents may hurt this, a lot. 

P.S. make sure you have an understanding with your parents on this.  If they expect you to still be their "kid" and not an adult/live-in renter, you may have problems and sour your relationship with your parents.  But, it all comes down to what you want most.
I forgot my posting name.
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
I'd rather live in the streets...

Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
Have you considered getting a roommate or 2? 

This can reduce costs a lot.
I forgot my posting name.
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
I would go for the roommate option faster than moving back in with parents who naturally think you follow their rules now that you are back in their house.
one too many
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
My bedroom was converted into a den within a couple of weeks of me moving out of my parents house ... I guess that was pretty communicative:)

In any case, if moving home is too extreme, there are lots of places in the US where you CAN save and live like a king on $50k-$60k a year.  Or even just buy a house.  You can still find functional fixer-uppers for $20k-$30k, but not in NYC.
Steve Moyer Send private email
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
Read a posting on another BBS about living with parents.

He'd moved back in with them after college. One night his girlfriend showed up to spend the night. Parents were horrified. He said, "I'm a man now." They backed down.

So, really, it all depends on your relationship with your parents. If it's good, and you can be an adult, then go ahead. If they will treat you like you are still in junior high, well, you need to ask if it's worth the $12K+ you're saving.

Having roommates is almost as juvenile as living at home. The more single guys in one space, the dumber the life style.
frustrated
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
> At age 23, I could agree, but in your late 20s I'm of the opinion that you're an adult.

I'm of the opposite opinion: at 23 you shouldn't live at home because you should learn how to become an adult.

Later, after you're an adult, that argument is no longer applicable.
Christopher Wells Send private email
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
But it's not just your age, it's also a matter of your motive: if the only motive is to save you money, that sounds questionable.
Christopher Wells Send private email
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
Saving an extra $12k a year is not really going to help you buy a house any faster in NYC or SF!  : )

If you need to move back home to save money you'll never be able to afford a house in either of those places.

FWIW I would rather die in the streets than live with my parents as well....
Moosebumps Send private email
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
Been there, done that, found out that, even though me and my parents have an excellent relationship, living with them for any length of time just doesn't work when you're 28.
Jeroen Bouwens
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
Thought about it, but Mom told me she wouldn't let me.  After more thinking about it, I realize I couldn't stand living in the same house with my parents anyways.

Roommates are a decent option, especially to accelerate savings towards buying a house.  I might do that here soon, but it would be a temporary situation.  A wife and a home of my own is the eventual goal.  Beyond a certain age, a guy that lives at home with his parents is somewhat of a failure.
NPR
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
It's common for young people who live in San Francisco to have one or two roommates, sometimes more if it's a highly coveted location such as The Marina. So, maybe a roommate will solve your problem.
Anony
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
We have a guy who works with us who just got promoted to being a "Director of Blah Blah Blah". Up until two weeks ago he was still living with his parents but nobody knew it. Seriously, how can you honestly say that you are qualified to direct/manage anything if you have to live with your parents to "get by"? If you aren't capable of managing your own life then how could anyone expect you to be able to managing business issues?

If you live with your parents, don't be surprised to find that companies pass you up for promotions and people don't consider you to be mature enough to handle responsibility. You are an adult. Except in the event of a major catastrophe, you should never move back in with your parents. No one will ever respect you if you do.
anon
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
Depends what the parents are like and also how the relationship is between them, some people stay together for no reason except they are together. Some have nice houses and are never there, when they are you do not have to see them and that works both ways. Others will always constantly nag and act martyrs for having you back.

It is not just about maturity but the complexity of the pre-existing relationship. A lot of things that are buried only stay that way for a short term.
pgb
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
"If you live with your parents, don't be surprised to find that companies pass you up for promotions and people don't consider you to be mature enough to handle responsibility."

It wouldn't be that hard to hide from your colleagues.

Also, apparently in some cultures it's common and accepted.  I knew a project manager at my last job who still lived at home with his parents.  It would be considered strange by people in his culture for a young man to be living alone.
NPR
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
>>"He'd moved back in with them after college. One night his girlfriend showed up to spend the night. Parents were horrified. He said, "I'm a man now." They backed down."

All kinds of things wrong with that there.  I'll just mention the what-should-have-obvious response, "You're a man?  Get your own place (or a hotel room)."

In other cultures, generations of family live together, and it's not a big deal.  I think in the US a lot of it depends on the relationship with the parents.
RHH Send private email
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
In Japan, this might not be a problem.  In America, this is a really bad thing to do.

Americans already tend to have these "extended adolescent" periods.  America is the land of the free, home of the brave, place where independent men strike out on their own to make a name for themselves.

It's hard to do that from Mom's basement.  Not to mention, your parents should be charging you rent, anyway.  If you're paying rent, why live at home?  And if you're NOT paying rent, you're not really paying your way, are you?

The 'classic' American solution to this is to get together with 2 other people, friends from work perhaps, and rent a house/townhouse/3-bedroom apartement together.  This splits the costs, and promotes independence from your parents, and the ability to negotiate with others. 

And if you're REALLY clever, you borrow $10K or so from your parents for a downpayment, have them co-sign the loan, and you buy that sucker.  Then you afford it by renting the other two rooms to room-mates.  In this way you become an OWNER.  Then, 3 to 5 years from now, you sell that property and have a nice nest-egg for buying your own home.
AllanL5
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
----"We have a guy who works with us who just got promoted to being a "Director of Blah Blah Blah". Up until two weeks ago he was still living with his parents but nobody knew it. Seriously, how can you honestly say that you are qualified to direct/manage anything if you have to live with your parents to "get by"-----

In most countries the question would be how could you be qualified to manage anything if you were not even capable of carrying on the most elementary family traditions.
Stephen Jones Send private email
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
Why living with parents considered so wrong?
I think historically in all cultures we used to live parents.

Could you please help me understand What is so wrong about living with parents.
Dinesh
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
"I'd rather live in the streets... "

Ditto.
grover
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
After my rant above, if you have to ask that question, then you're not from a culture in which the argument applies.

In other words, in America, land of the rugged individualist, living with your parents (after the age of 21 or so) basically means you've failed to become a rugged individualist.

In any other culture, living with your parents basically means housing is really-really expensive and everybody lives with their parents until they're married.
AllanL5
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
I just couldn't take it.  My parents drive me crazy.
grover
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
Almost all people in the world live with their parents until they get married. Out on your own in an apartment is something of a rich western luxury. If you can't afford a house, and hence a wife or family, and you get along with your parents, then this makes a lot of sense. However, in US culture, this can be troublesome since parents will make a bunch of rules for you even if you are 42 years old. It's best in this case to rent a basement with its own entrance (so called mother in law suite) from them for a discount price so you still have autonomy and avoid all the arguments.
Tony Chang
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
...and has anyone considered that the parents may be entirely satisfied on their own and that moving back in might impact their lives?  They may take you in, but how much do they welcome the opportunity to live with a grown son who feels that the "house rules" should not apply?
I can tell you right up front:  anyone living in MY house follows MY rules.  If you do not like the rules you are perfectly free to live on your own - you are an adult, after all.
Mean Old Dad
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
----"After my rant above, if you have to ask that question, then you're not from a culture in which the argument applies.

In other words, in America, land of the rugged individualist, living with your parents (after the age of 21 or so) basically means you've failed to become a rugged individualist."------

True of all America? True for America for the last three hundred years?

I think the matter has much more to do with the fact that emigration, whether domestic or international, was forced or advisable.

My stepmother has a sister who married into a staunch family of rugged individualists; they're a family of farmers who've lived in the same house since 1620.

It seems that in the US the Bushes and Clintons are arranging a time share version of the same.
Stephen Jones Send private email
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
Incidentally, Alan, do you seriously think 'Dinesh' is a typical all-American name.
Stephen Jones Send private email
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
Correct, I assumed "Dinesh" was not American.  Thus, trying to explain to him, again, why this was a bad thing in American culture, was not going to do any good.

Thus I explained that while in America it is generally considered to be a bad thing, in his culture it probably wasn't, and therefore he shouldn't worry about it.

Because apparently "Dinesh" is missing the American cultural referents that would allow him to understand it.
AllanL5
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
"Same house since 1620"?  Fascinating.

Yes, the multi-generational family house changed after WW-II, I believe.  Before that, most Americans were farmers living in the family house (with notable exceptions for industrial workers).

How did they get through the depression?  Because making farm loans, then losing the house, was the big problem in the "dust belt" in those days.

Perhaps your Family House is in New England?
AllanL5
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
Ok, but in the countries where people live with their parents until they are married... do the married couples often come back home after years of living away?  To me the issue isn't so much living with your parents, its the idea that once you left the nest, you are on your own. 

Unless you really can't make it on your own (disability, drug problem, out of work, etc) moving back home to basically make your parents foot the bill for your savings just seems dishonorable and unrespectable for an adult.
not mamas boy
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
Moving back home is fine, if < 6 months in duration.
OneMist8k
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
If they've been in the house since 1620, it would have to be either in New England or Virginia, most likely. The colonies hadn't gone inland by then.
Chris Tavares Send private email
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
"In other words, in America, land of the rugged individualist, living with your parents (after the age of 21 or so) basically means you've failed to become a rugged individualist."

Land of the "rugged individualist"? That sure explains why so many people rush into relationships that they are married and divorced by their mid twenties.
CodeClarity
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
just seems to me your too scared to live life.
lemon obrien Send private email
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
Heh, the Pilgrims arrived in 1620.

Jamestown was settled in 1607.

That is one crappy crappy house that family of farmers have been living in for the last 400 years...

Oh wait, maybe it's an American Indian farmer family.. who somehow managed to hold on to their prime farmland since 1620...

Possible...

Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
In Poland, a lot of people live with their parents, because of the housing situation, even if they are already married. But nobody thinks this is good or desired, and people move out as soon as they can.

The cultural difference is when parents get old: the Americans tend to send their parents to nursing homes, the Poles ask them to move in and take care of them on their own (maybe if Polish nursing homes were of the US quality...). Most people do not object to the prospect of living with their parents when they grow very old.
Roman Werpachowski Send private email
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
I'm interested to know how many of you people who think its so terrible to live at home after 21 had thier parents pay for any of their college.

If you are saying its a failure to not be on your own, and your parents paid ANY of your college. Shut up, your a goddamned hypocrite.

-SK
SK
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
Oh yeah, and I hope you have paid them back for all the money they spent on food / housing you when you were a kid... Plus interest.

-SK
SK
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
"...and has anyone considered that the parents may be entirely satisfied on their own and that moving back in might impact their lives?"

Before children the wife & I had sex anywhere, anywhen in the house.  After kids, bedroom only.  For a year all the children had moved out and the wife and I were back to the pre-children form, if not the same frequency...  Of necessity one child moved back in and I CAN'T WAIT for her to move out again.  Wearing clothes around the house is so overrated.
Love the Empty Next
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
>> In other words, in America, land of the rugged individualist, living with your parents (after the age of 21 or so) basically means you've failed to become a rugged individualist.

Uh, wouldn't a true rugged individualist do as they wish and not care about what other people think?  It would be the exact opposite of a rugged individualist to not live with your parents simply because society or some random guy on the internet says you shouldn't.
SomeBody Send private email
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
"Currency is nothing if you still ain't free", said a great person.

I'm not against the decision itself, but the reason bothers me. I would not do that to save money.

Supposed you never save enough? Going to live with them forever?
Victor N. Send private email
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
I am a big supporter of saving and investing money. If you don't save and invest you have nothing to show for all the work you are doing. You never know if you will get sick. Never know if you get laid off.

if you save money you get a down payment for a home quicker.

nothing wrong with it. though it will be alot harder to get laid. I never had to do it. I would really not want to. I like my space. Though I would never fault anyone for doing it.

Cultures around the world are very different. It is not uncommon for extended families to live together in many countries. Now I would go nuts in that situation, but I understand it.
Contractor
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
"Oh wait, maybe it's an American Indian farmer family.. who somehow managed to hold on to their prime farmland since 1620"

I know a white family that has kept the same house they built in 1800. There have been renovations since then, but the core of the house is there. There are many houses like this, some dating back to the 1600s, on the east coast.

I also know many Pueblo Indians who have held onto the exact same room in the exact same Pueblo that their family has had and which was built 1000 years ago. Yes, 1000 years ago and still standing, still the original buildings.
Scott
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
to the guy in poland; i lived over seas for a while, many people around the world do this...mostly cause 1) dey poor, 2) dey poor, and 3) America be a darwining capitalist society, we believe you need to get out in the world and get some ASAP, or you'll never get some.

after the age of 12 i had no curfew

at the age of 17 my father kicked me out

at the age of 24 i had my first programing job in Tokyo.

life comes at you no matter what; you can't hide from it, if you try, you end up with nothing but regrets.

get out there nigga and get sum; and after you do, while taking a long slow drag off your cig, think of me, and smile. cause you got sum.
lemon obrien Send private email
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
From reading old U.S. Census data, I have found that up until the fifties, it was very common for men and women to live with their parents until they married, which, for men, was often as late as forty years of age.  Additionally, there were no retirement homes. Children were expected to take care of their parents.  I know that my great-grandmother who was born in the late eighteenth century lived with my great-uncle until the day that she passed away in the early nineties sat 104 years of age.  IMHO, American society today is a valueless hell hole.
Old enough to have lived when Americans cared about each other!
Friday, October 12, 2007
 
 
Guys, what I read it isn't really about taking care of one's parent; the post is about saving money while parents take care of you.
Victor N. Send private email
Saturday, October 13, 2007
 
 
"I know a white family that has kept the same house they built in 1800. There have been renovations since then, but the core of the house is there. There are many houses like this, some dating back to the 1600s, on the east coast.

I also know many Pueblo Indians who have held onto the exact same room in the exact same Pueblo that their family has had and which was built 1000 years ago. Yes, 1000 years ago and still standing, still the original buildings. "


Got pics?
A Developer
Saturday, October 13, 2007
 
 
Of the pueblo? There are plenty of pics out there:

http://www.flickr.com/search/?q=taos+pueblo
Scott
Saturday, October 13, 2007
 
 
You guys are supposed to be so smart, but nobody's suggested finding someone else in the same situation and SWAPPING PARENTS! It solves all your problems in one go.

Right, if anyone wants me, I'll be in Palestine sorting that mess out...
Just Graduated From Business School
Saturday, October 13, 2007
 
 
I find it highly amusing that most people here assume their parents would take them back.
Bruce
Saturday, October 13, 2007
 
 
Presumption that that is possible is a prerequisite to the entire thread. No one is assuming anything about their own parents. Get a clue.
Scott
Saturday, October 13, 2007
 
 
My parents won't take back! For sure; after all, they got into a lot of trouble convincing me to go to College :)
Victor N. Send private email
Saturday, October 13, 2007
 
 
When I was about 10 or 11 my mum told me that I'd have to leave home one day; a few years later, my dad said he'd help pay my way until I finished my formal education. I moved out when I was in my early 20s, the year I finished with university: got a series of jobs, married, have a career and plenty of money. I'm in my later 40s now, and they are retired. I asked my mum whether we still need to live separately: she agreed that I've BTDT and that if we want to live with them now they'd like that. Money would still be some concern (it always is, for most adults), but I'm already self-supporting financially: the motive wouldn't be to save my money.

Anyway, to answer your questions:

++ At the age of 28 would you move back home to save money faster, say to buy a home?

I didn't. I that age, I was earning money without saving it; at the time, I thought it would be easier to start saving later in my career, when I would be earning more.

++ Everyone I talk to here seems to thing thats a perfectly reasonable ...

It can be reasoned, yes.

++ ... and respectable thing to do.

Respect suggests that your relationship with your mama is more your concern than mine.

++ I can't imagine moving back in with the parents unless I really hit hard times.

What if hard times hit them?

Saturday, October 13, 2007
 
 
"I'm in my later 40s now, and they are retired. I asked my mum whether we still need to live separately"

Am I right in assuming that you're now divorced?
Roman Werpachowski Send private email
Saturday, October 13, 2007
 
 
No, my wife and I have been faithful to each other over the last 30 years or so, but their relationship is better than only in-law.

Saturday, October 13, 2007
 
 
OK, to everyone their own. I have good relations with my in-laws, but to think about moving in with them...
Roman Werpachowski Send private email
Saturday, October 13, 2007
 
 
OMG it seems we (Indians) are lot more dependent on our parents. Especially, the girl child!
I was living with my parents 1 year back. It did helped me save lot of money in the sense that my father asked me not to use the salary money. He advised me to keep the money in the bank which i did. He is still working so he doesn't want us, me and my brother to spend our money much! Lot of cultural difference i suppose. Parents here expect very less from the girl child.
Another poster...
Saturday, October 13, 2007
 
 
in asia childern are your social security.
lemon obrien Send private email
Saturday, October 13, 2007
 
 
>> You guys are supposed to be so smart, but nobody's suggested finding someone else in the same situation and SWAPPING PARENTS! It solves all your problems in one go.

It seems to work like that already to some extent.  I've seen a bunch of apartment listings on craigslist for cheap rooms in private residences.  I'm betting a lot of these are for the part of the house that the kids used to live in.
SomeBody Send private email
Sunday, October 14, 2007
 
 
"in asia childern are your social security."

Works like a charm: http://www.iht.com/articles/2007/10/12/asia/12japan.php?page=1
Roman Werpachowski Send private email
Sunday, October 14, 2007
 
 
The 1620 farmhouse was in Thaxted, Essex. Around 50 acres I think so enough to give a comfortable living. It was my stepmother's sister who married the farmer. Nice people.

On my father's side we had a couple of Welsh hill farmers who must have had the farmhouse at least 150 years. Sheepfarming is not really viable now so I don't know if they're still there.

As AP has said the idea that you live somewhere else but with your parents until you marry is strange in the majority of societies.
Stephen Jones Send private email
Sunday, October 14, 2007
 
 
"After more thinking about it, I realize I couldn't stand living in the same house with my parents anyways."

Agreed. Unfortunately, some people don't have very nice parents. Anything other than long-distance communications can usually remain cordial for about a week if I'm lucky, but that's it.
Anon
Thursday, October 18, 2007
 
 

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