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If you had a law, what would it be?

WoodenTongues Law: One person's learning is another person's wasted moment.
WoodenTongue Send private email
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
 
 
More beer.
Clay Dowling Send private email
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
 
 
It would be "I am the law".

Short of that, if you are a consultant and you write really horrible bad terrible custom code for a client and then run away and leave me to clean up your mess, I get to break all your fingers and run your hands through a meat grider so you can never ever type another line of VB, VBA or VB Script again.

I have spoken.
Bart Park
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
 
 
Do not tolerate the intolerant!
Actively Disengaged
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
 
 
Not mine exactly, but it means a lot to me*: "You can have good, quick or cheap. Choose two."

Or, to paraphrase Frederick P. Brooks: "Nine women can't have a baby in one month."


* Mostly due to the fact that so many people don't seem to acknowledge this truth.
Nemesis
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
 
 
The best measure of good code is how little it repeats itself (the DRY principle). Often expressible as 'the more compact the better' but that is not always valid.
NetFreak Send private email
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
 
 
TANSTAAFL
trollop
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
 
 
Fat people should not wear spandex.
Anonymous this time
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
 
 
Never come up with an idea for someone else that you would not be willing to do.
Steamrolla Send private email
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
 
 
It's a little rough...

"A smart person asks 'What', but a wise person asks 'Why'."
Nigel Send private email
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
 
 
Over my terminal I have a post-it note that says:

Do not optimize yet!
Robert Send private email
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
 
 
Do not tolerate the intolerant!

^^ I really like that one.

I developed a new system of ethics, morals that everyone has to live by... their own.
I am Jack's limestone law
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
 
 
People pay $5,000 in taxes every year and that's it.  It's time for the Gov't to deal with a $$$ shortage so they can see how the average American feels about getting his/her money taken away.
smallbiz
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
 
 
"Every time you cut and paste code, god kills a kitten"

-Mark
Mark Bessey Send private email
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
 
 
I've got two that I remember:

Philo's Law: To learn from your mistakes, you must first realize that you are making mistakes

Philo's Third Law: At some point in an argument, the person who either runs out of logic or steam first will tell the other one to get a life.

[I've never been able to remember what my second law was]

Philo
Philo [MSFT] Send private email
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
 
 
Another favourite:

Remember you are special, just like everyone else.
Actively Disengaged
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
 
 
Hmm. If I had to come up with something it would probably be like:

Law #1: There are no absolutes.
www.MarkTAW.com Send private email
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
 
 
David's Law of Temporal Peristalsis:

Shit happens.

David's Direct Action Principle:

If you want something done right, do it yourself.
David Jones Send private email
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
 
 
The cooler you think your code is, the more it sucks.

Try to have each block of code operate on as few inputs, outputs, and bits of internal state as possible.

A block of code should do one thing at one level of abstraction through to its completion.
Keith Wright Send private email
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
 
 
Uh, smallbiz, if that happened the government would just sell a lot of bonds.  It's called deficit spending, and it's the American way.  We've had a budget surplus only once for a very short time in the last thirty years or so, and it wasn't with a Republican president.
Aaron F Stanton Send private email
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
 
 
IT should be illegal to make Chinese fortunne cookies in Brooklyn.
A Programmer
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
 
 
Wait, sorry, that last post was just flamebait.  I apologize.  Please don't hurt me.
Aaron F Stanton Send private email
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
 
 
Bravo - great thread.  Love the copy/paste/kill/kitty one especially.

My own would be:

"Poor planning on your part does not constitute a crisis on mine."
hoser Send private email
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
 
 
I didn't make this up, but I like it:

"It's not a crisis, it's just the death of an illusion."
Jeff Kotula Send private email
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
 
 
Nemisis: the nine women quote is Werner Von Braun.

Crash programs fail because they are based on the theory that, with nine women pregnant, you can get a baby a month. - Werner Von Braun
Quote Pedant
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
 
 
This one is actually true:

If you want something done, ask a busy person.
Actively Disengaged
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
 
 
90% of people who program, shouldn't.
SweetPete
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
 
 
Philo, your other one was the crunchy frog law.

And by the way, get a life.
Alex Send private email
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
 
 
Find purpose, the means will follow - M. K. Gandhi
KayJay Send private email
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
 
 
Dennis' Maxim - Complexity is just aggregate simplicity

This is a painfully obvious observation, but the premise is that many things that seem remarkably complex are, at their root, just a collection of several very simple elements. Once you understand the simple basics the impenetrable façade of complexity dissipates.
Dennis Forbes Send private email
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
 
 
Thinking "I know" is the first step to ignorance.
Dino
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
 
 
Nah, that's always been the "Crunchy Frog Law" (and in this case "Law" refers to legislation, not a rule of life)

The Crunchy Frog Law: Any truthful statement about a product which prompts the manufacturer to exclaim "Our sales would plummet!" is required to be on the front of the packaging in large, friendly letters.

Philo
Philo [MSFT] Send private email
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
 
 
"Every time you cut and paste code, god kills a kitten"

I LOVE IT!!!!
Jack of all Send private email
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
 
 
No fake turf in stadiums (They wouldn't be allowed to call it a stadium or play any sports in it. They would have to call it a 'leisure activity cocoon')

No covered stadiums (see "No fake turf in Stadiums")

Mandatory celebration in the end zone after scoring else game disqualification and 20 yard penalty.

Forward pass defined as a pass that is completed or lands incomplete beyond the line of scrimmage. It if touches the ground behind the line of scrimmage, it's live baby! 

Lateral still applies for two forward passes.

Anyone can always advance a fumble.

Mandatory lifetime disqualification of any participant or so-called fan who whines about "No fake turf in stadiums" or ""No covered stadiums".

if I were king.
fool for python
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
 
 
Baseball could be played only in the new retro baseball stadiums.

or

Baseball would also an appropriate activity for the "leisure activity" cocoons.
fool for python
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
 
 
Quote Pedant, although Werner Von Braun originated the nine women phrase, it does seem to fit with the Mythical Man Month really well.

Indeed, I have used it myself as a summary of the MMM on various occasions, although I was not aware of the phrase's origin. Thank you.
Nemesis
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
 
 
"It's not the language, it's you."
Daniel Daranas
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
 
 
Decisionmaking made easy:

If you are still not sure if you should do it then you must do it!

Wednesday, October 13, 2004
 
 
The following to be impaled on sharp stakes: Creation Scientists, religious fundamentalists, anybody who thinks Armageddon is a Good Thing or takes the bible literally, anti-abortion protestors, female circumcisionists, and paedophiles.
Vlad Tepes
Friday, October 15, 2004
 
 

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