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* The Business of Software

Every now and then, I find an email in my inbox from a user of my online service that contains some or all of the following:

- swear words
- denigrating comments to me
- accusations
- terribly negative tone

I swear I don't deserve it!  For crying out loud, these people are getting free downloads off my site!

Then, I'm always an inch away from clicking 'send' on my very clever email reply when, with a sigh, I click 'delete' instead and let things slide.

Honestly, the only thing that stops me is that I don't know if this other person will step things up and make it their mandate to bring me down.  You never know.

So, dear reader, any thoughts on how to handle these types of emails?  Or any emails like this you would like to pass along?

And, has anyone every been burned by these types of people?

Focus on information that may help improve your service.  Have a template answer that goes along the lines of: "Thank you very much for your feedback.", and after sending that off spend the time on implementing improvements.


/Allan

Getting pissed off with customers is a lose-lose. It is hard to not react, but keep and reread the positive comments from your customers will help you get back on track.

"Be the bigger man" comes to mind.

I would imagine dealing with it in a slightly ironic, humerous fashion would mean you could get it off your chest, and they still don't have a real reason to go after you.

"Congratulations. You have automatically been entered into our ongoing competition for the 'most unfortunate support incident of the year'. The more indecorous words, the higher your chances of winning; so the next time you contact us, why not try and up your chances even more?"

Just think of some fictitious prize, like maybe a funny plush toy:

http://necromanc.blogspot.com/2006/02/funny-plushy-toys.html

Actually in my experience it means you are doing something right.

Every time I have had a product or service that had at least a few passionately angry users it was very successful

Back when I had a p2p program I found that sometimes this type of person could become my biggest evangelist.. I will admit it takes a significant amount of restraint to send a positive message to something that is really nasty.

One other thing I found is occasionally you will find your competitors sending you these messages (masquerading as a user) – believe it! Now this may have happened in the peer to peer arena because of the how young most of my competitors were.

I can only wish – really wish that our current product will eventually produce a few angry messages from users and competitors!

So my answer is don't rip back at them - say something positive to them. Most people will read what they wrote and feel like a total ass.

"Thank you for bringing these matters to our attention.  We initiated an internal investigation and identified those responsible.  All three of those individuals have now been terminated.  Again, thanks for your help, and please don't hesitate to contact us in the future about similar matters."

Always respond helpfully. There are trolls out there who are drunk or have psychological problems so you shouldn't take it personally. But I've found when you respond positively they sometimes switch around 180 degrees and become your biggest supporter. If you can't say anything positive or helpful, though, just ignore it.

I agree with most who say don't rip back.  Just acknowledge what they have to say, be helpful, kind, understanding, etc.

I once had two voice mail messages from a customer replete with swear words and general antagonism.  After talking with him and acknowledging what he had to say (which is not the same things as saying they are right), two days later he inquired about a site license and purchased it.  So don't burn a bridge and do not take whatever they say personally.  It is whatever it is - perhaps a bad day, a fight with their boss or spouse, who knows.

You can also take a break:

http://www.dice.com/beingit/

+1 for "you must be doing something right".

Some truck company a while back said they'd be happy with 50% of the market loving thier trucks. They said if you shoot for pleasing 100% you'll have only moderately happy customers. You can't COMPLETELY PLEASE ALL the customers all the time.  Better margins if you make a niche product that some love even if it has small market share. (Do I smell APPLE pie?)

Be zen: don't take it personally. Bob knows. His product is a productivity app (task management) so people are always asking "gee, if it only did ..." (yes, I'm one of them asking ;-).

+1 for seek out the truth in thier complaint.

When I started 11 years ago, I was sooo insecure that every complaint was met by me saying "gee... what exactly is the problem". I was sooo concerned about finding every bug, etc. that I STUMBLED onto the idea of "checking my ego at the door". I was not worried about my own reputation, feelings, ego, etc. WOW is that freeing. I focused only on making the product as good as I could.

So... check your ego at the door. It's not personal. And if they WANT it to be personal, you can shift it away from the personal or just punt b/c they're not worth talking to if they have nothing constructive to say.

If you send that letter, they will repost in on 100 forums and say what a terrible person you are and how much your service sucks.

How do I know this? I'd prefer not to say...

So anyway, you can either ignore them, send a canned response, play dumb, or be super extra sweet to them.

I might do any of these and sometimes it has resulted in a customer, albeit sometimes a high maintenance one.

Like Scott mentioned I did replied to a prospective of mine in a super sweet way; what I got in return is a ton of new ideas and new feature list for the new version. I’m glad that I got those ideas as it is generating more upgrade revenues now. So never burn the bridges.

From a non-commercial standpoint, an abusive user was banned from our forums and now he spends all his times trying to DOS the server and dictionary-attack the ssh logins.  *sigh*

If the guy is clearly a jackass, tell him he's not being forced to buy your product or service and ask him to shut up - do all this politely for added effect.

I say let it go. If you send a snide reply, you will find it on a blog somewhere. Some one has to be the adult in the situation and it obviously cannot be the user. I say a nice reply telling them how important their feedback is and then just let it go. It is nothing personal. You offer a service that is obviously important to the user since they are there using it. If they don't like it, they are free to go elsewhere. You might say that also. Nicely.

*throw chair*

  F*****g kill them all!

I actually know a rather controversial journalist who publishes all the hate mail he gets on his website. Very funny reading and totally discredits those people.

semigeek:
That only works when your company is big enough.

Send that snide reply! Who is this little turd swearing at you for having a free serve arranged not quite to his liking! Let it rip.

Be VERY nice to him. It is the meanest thing you can do to someone who is being an ass. Be intolerably polite and nice.

Ask how the software has caused him pain, and offer to build a customized for-pay solution.

+1 for over-politeness.  I find being sickeningly sweet WAY more satisfying then telling them to go FOAD.  I like to imagine that them reciving my extra-nice reply throws them into an even greater rage as their cheap attack just didn't work.

You'll never lose by being nice.  It's good for your ego and sometimes (many times?) the most critical customers are the most dicerning and when if they've spotted a real issue and you solve it they become your biggest fans. It's happened to me on many occasions.

I've NEVER benefited from being side. I HAVE on occasion stood my ground and benefited.  We still joke about ome guy who said "I have a business too, and I don't understand why you can't do XYZ. I don't understand your business model".  Ironically, once he looked at the options he actually got a better deal than he was expecting and we got an $840 sale.

To this day my private joke with my wife, when I complain about someone ELSE's company is to say "I don't understand thier business model".

I learn the most from my meanest nastiest customers.  Being a one man show it's easy to take it personally.  However, it's a business response.  They have a problem they want solved, and sometimes out of frustration they take some potshots.

I now love these emails, because I know I'm going to learn something about how my product works and how it's perceived.  I don't learn much from people telling me that the software is great (which only happens occasionally, I take a purchase as a nice compliment also).

So, when they are nasty, I in turn am cordial and ask them what the problem is, and how can I help resolve it.  Usually with these people there will be several exchanges, and everytime I learn something, and really improve the product in some way.

Embrace it, it's a good thing.  It's just business and not personal.

"From a non-commercial standpoint, an abusive user was banned from our forums and now he spends all his times trying to DOS the server and dictionary-attack the ssh logins.  *sigh*"

This could be dealt with via police, couldn't it?

The problem with these people is that there is no way to make them happy.  Trust me, some people, no matter how you response, only get worse.  Then you can ignore the email, but that makes them irate too.  Basically when you have a decent customer base (in the thousands) you will get a few total nut jobs a year.  This is not your average idiot, no, you will see 100's of those (questions answered in 1st page of web site, in docs, in faq, and in kb but they call 4 times asking it, for example).  No, the serious nut job makes it their mission in life to destroy you.  Very creepy!  Actually the funny part is if you ignore / be super nice, be firm and fair, be smart as in smart ass you end up with about the same response from the crazy nut job.  I suppose that is why they are crazy nut jobs.

Does anyone have real world experience diffusing such a situation?  What tactics worked for you?  I really consider it an exit strategy, how do you get the crazy customer away from your company.

http://headrush.typepad.com/creating_passionate_users/2005/08/physics_of_pass.html

Every so often I get SOOOO fed up with a service and although there are much more productive ways to handle it I just cannot be bothered... otherwise you spend your life wasting time complaining in a nice or productive way and... well.. my life's too short to give my time for free fixing the world's problems. If the problem needs a resolution then I have to play their game but if I can get round it and it's just too much hassle then I can really let rip..

So, every so often, especially if I've had a hard day, when I get a problem with a service (normally a bigger company) I will fire off an abusive email trying to use every bad word I know. I've been inconvenienced and I feel that this letting off steam is some form of compensation!

Occasionally I'll get an abusive note back, often silence, but every so often the smart people will completely defuse the situation by trying to resolve the problem, recognising that my abusive mail was just to let off steam and was an almost reasonable reaction. All I want is to speak to a real person and be listened to. Most of the time it only ever gets to the abusive stage because you're dealing with a company that has bugger all support; no one you can call or if you do call you play some absurd game where you get lost in their automated IVR system.

After my experience with Oracle 10i express documentation a month or so ago I sent a real stinker to Oracle.

I've seen some really good advice in this thread.

Check your ego at the door.  You're not yourself; you're playing the role of Cheerful Customer Service Helper Fixer.  Find the truth in the complaint.  Try to figure out how you can make things right for them, from THEIR points of view.  They'll forget the initial complaint if you make them feel as though you've gone the extra mile to fix the problem and respond.  They'll remember how you made them feel.  Whenever your name comes up, over the coming years and decades, they'll provide positive or negative word-of-mouth, and your customer service should never provide them with reasonable reason to bad-mouth you to others.

Obsequiousness can be satisfying, but don't let anything that might look like sarcasm into your note.  That'll just ruin any chance you had of making the other person feel like a heel and thus getting him or her to shame himself or herself into proper behavior.

Never respond to hostility with hostility.  Be incredibly nice.  This is harder on the phone than over email; if you only have to deal with abusive email and letters, and not phone calls, count yourself a little lucky.

There are people out there who truly don't understand that abuse of a customer service representative is completely beyond the pale.  Or they have such rhinocerous-thick skins that they can't conceive of what they're doing as immoral.  Exactly once, I've hear a person note, "I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at [the situation, your company, etc.]" and gotten her to be contrite with my line, "You may not be mad at me, but I'm the one who's getting yelled at."  If their parents didn't teach them basic human decency over fifteen years, you can't teach them in fifteen minutes.

When you feel invested in your company or your product, attacks on it can feel like attacks on you.  But if the other person isn't giving you the courtesy of treating you like a human being, then you don't have to let him or her affect your humanity or your dignity.

There's a story often told about Buddha: a visitor rains abuse and insults upon him.  Buddha just sits there, quietly, not responding.  When the visitor stops and asks for a response, Buddha asks, "If someone comes to give you a gift and you do not receive it, to whom does the gift belong?"

Their insults and abuse belong to them, not you.

Now I just have to take my own advice for the rest of my life.

P.S.  This is my personal opinion/advice/commentary, not a statement of The Official Fog Creek Policy.

When you get a vitriolic email, search through it for a grain of truth.  If you find one, tell the complainant you agree with them, or at least see their point of view. 

Get on their side, with comments like "Those stupid developers didn't listen to their own support team, that's why the app sux" or "Yeah, we fired the guy who screwed up that feature, and someone else is gonna fix it soon."  This can be lots of fun, especially if you're running a one-person shop. :)